Why You And Your Girlfriend Should Play Solo… Together
Masturbation is a normal, healthy and all-around awesome practice. And yet, it’s something that is rarely discussed between couples. Men do it, women do it, and they even do it to each other (aka: foreplay) but that doesn’t mean they’re able to openly talk about it. Masturbation is a private show, not a spectator sport… Or is it?
According to the last Indiana University National Sex Study, approximately 90% of men and 74% of women have masturbated (and those are just the ones who were willing to admit it).
So if you’re currently in a relationship, chances are the both of you are doing at least a little self-loving on the side. And why wouldn’t you? Masturbation has a load of benefits (pardon the pun), from stress reduction to sleep aid to higher overall sexual confidence. Solo sex sessions also enhance your coupled sex life, helping men improve their sexual stamina and women become more orgasmic.
While there’s nothing wrong with taking the “divide and conquer” approach to masturbation, why not share the self-love with someone you love? Yes I am talking about mutual masturbation. You probably remember this practice from your pre-intercourse days.
Back in high school, mutual masturbation was considered a sexual loophole, a way to experience sex and orgasms together without actually doing the deed.
I know you’ve been polishing the rocket since well-before puberty, but let me assure you: Bringing a partner into the mix can make a regular masturbation situation exponentially hotter! And it may help reduce some of the side effects of masturbation. Here are a few reasons why you and your partner should turn your sexual solo into a duet:
It’s a treat for the eyes
As you may have figured out, men are visual creatures. Unlike women, who need to feel turned on in order to actually get turned on, men rely heavily on visual stimuli to get them in the mood. This is the real reason why you watch so much porn. You LOVE seeing a women enjoy themselves sexually, from every single angle. Don’t believe me? Just check your browser history.
Now picture this: Instead of watching a stranger touch herself on a cold, flat computer screen, you’re watching someone you know in real life. Moaning and stroking and close enough to touch – in fact, touching is definitely encouraged!
It’s a total turn-on
One of the things that sets masturbation and sex apart is that masturbation is generally a very private act. The fact that your partner is giving you a front row seat to such an intimate experience – and vice versa – is extremely hot. It gives you a voyeuristic rush, like you are witnessing something that no other person gets to see.
There is something undeniably arousing about seeing a woman take her pleasure into her own hands. For men, bringing your female partner to orgasm is like rebuilding a car engine. It requires dedication, finesse, and perfect technique. When a woman can put the puzzle together in half the time, it shows that she is confident, comfortable with her own sexuality and knows what she is doing under the hood.
You will learn something
Once your partner gets into it, you may be tempted to pull out a bucket of popcorn and an ICEE and enjoy the show. But instead of sitting there slack-jawed while she hits all her hot buttons, take copious mental notes. Why? Because no one know how to pleasure your partner better than she does!
Unfortunately, new lovers do not come with an instruction manual. Every person likes different things below the belt, and the best way to discover the RIGHT way to touch somebody is to let them show you how they like to be touched. Take note of the way she strokes herself and how her body responds to each new movement. Does she go fast or slow? What kind of pressure is she using? The more you pick up from her self-loving practices, the better lover you’ll be!
Now that you’ve got the “why” down, let’s talk about the “how”. As tempting as it might be to invite yourself into her next solo session, it’s safer to introduce the subject ahead of time. Keep in mind that some women might feel uncomfortable at first.. Let her know how sexy you think it would be, and assure her that you will take it as slow as she needs.
To set the mood and help her relax, try lighting some candles (aromatherapy massage candles, anyone?) and turning on a sensual playlist. Sit facing your partner, either on a couch or the bed, and take turns playing with yourself while the other watches. If she feels uncomfortable being face-to-face, you can always sit behind her and have her lean back against you while she masturbates. If she’s okay with it, try running your hands all over her body, kissing her neck and engaging other hot spots while she does her thing.
Once you’re both feeling warmed up and comfortable, turn your solos into a duet. As you get closer and closer to the edge, hold eye contact and mimic each other’s rhythms to bring yourselves to orgasm, simultaneously! Then all that’s left to do is snuggle close and share the intimate moment together.
Emily Morse is a sexologist and host of the Sex With Emily podcast.